A Late Night Conversation

Me: (whispering) Psst, are you awake?
Beard: Mmph.
Me: Hey, wake up.
Beard: (groggily) What's wrong?
Me: Nothing...I just can't sleep, that's all. Do you want to watch some infomercials?
Beard: No. You know that we have to get up in 6 hours for that early morning meeting, right?
Me: Yeah...but maybe we can take a quick 10 minute nap later before we go to work.
Beard: You're killing me, man. Why can't we go to sleep just once before midnight?
Me: I'm sorry; I really am. Maybe when we're teaching after graduation I'll get my act together.
Beard: Are you keeping me around for that long? I thought I was just an experiment for a few months to stave off winter boredom.
Me: I dunno, I'm kind of getting attached to you. Plus I'm loving not having to shave! You're saving me a small fortune in pricey Gillette replacement razors.
Beard: Glad I could be of service.
Me: Can I ask you a question?
Beard: Make it quick.
Me: Why don't you fill in better? Like, why is there that bald spot where you won't grow right beneath my chin?
Beard: I don't know. Genetics? You should be happy that I'm here at all. Remember when you were in junior high and you wanted sideburns so badly that one day you took your sister's mascara and highlighted the peach fuzz on the side of your face?
Me: I was so awesome.
Beard: Um, yeah.
Me: Are sideburns outdated now, though? Do I look like a fool? Should I trim you down? Do I resemble that guy that plays the cello outside of the Broadway? Do I look ridiculously indie and unkempt? I wish I could leave my body for a few minutes to accurately size me up.
Beard: You're all right. Some people will like you and others will make fun of you.
Me: You're pretty nice. And you're fun to play with. Some days you feel like a sheep that's just been sheared and other days you're like a little mess of wires. Sorry about always nibbling on you at the corner of my mouth. Sometimes I get bored.
Beard: (yawns)
Me: Will you still be around when I'm bald?
Beard: Shhhh...stop worrying and go to sleep.
Me: Okay. G'nite.
Beard: ZZZ.